SWP147 How To Stop Feeling unappreciated
Do you ever feel like you’re not appreciated no matter what you do, no matter how much you sacrifice, nothing matters nobody even says thank you. If this is you or if this applies to you more often that you would like, this episode is for you please listen up
This is Saber your host and I’m honored and excited to have you on the show again today.
In today’s episode we talk about appreciation or the feeling or the lack of appreciation. the things that you do every day, all day, to many people, to many entities in life, and you still feel and appreciate it.
Where does it come from? why do you feel that way? and how do you stop feeling the way you do?
It is quite often that I hear from my clients, especially when we start working together, the feeling of not being appreciated. the feeling of not being valued. and if you wonder if this is applicable to any specific industry the answer is no. it is not specific to an Industry. it is applicable to all industries. Why? because anyone who is in any industry is a human being and every human being has the desire to feel valuable, to feel appreciated, to feel loved.
We learn from the beginning. how we were raised in our families we get praise when we do good things and we don’t get praise when we don’t do good things. when we go to school is the same thing, we pass the exam we have good grades. if we don’t do the exam well we’re not going to have good grades. in high school, in college, on the job, when you start working on corporate or even in private practice. when you do certain things you got results when you don’t get results you believe that you did not get results. meaning whatever you did is not good and whatever you did is not good or was not good automatically translated to yourself automatically. translated to what you and why did not land results for you.
the trick here is how we look at it. are we looking at it from the perspective of what was done or from the respective what did I do. when I talk to my clients about this, more than often we talk about judgment versus assessment. however this is a little Advanced for today’s episode so let me go to the root of the feeling of un-appreciation or feeling of unvalued.
so the example I give them, and you can imagine with me the time for example when you go to the mall; and if you don’t go to the mall you can imagine where you hold the door for someone and they don’t recognize your act. what is the first feeling or thought that comes to you?
if you’re like most of the clients I work with you would be disappointed. why would you be disappointed? because you had the expectation of you doing something good for them and you expect them to do something good for you, which is a thank you or at least or an acknowledgement in any form. they can look back and give you a head nod or smile or anything that would acknowledge that they appreciate what you did.
if we take that example in all other areas, where you do not feel appreciated? How likely is it that it applies? How likely is it that it is true that whenever you have expectation you get disappointed? and when you get disappointed you think of your value and yourself worth? let’s break it down a bit more.
when you open the door to somebody else and they go through the door and didn’t acknowledge you the first thing that comes to mind is about you not necessarily about them. or another situation when you think about them not being appreciative, immediately after that you would think of yourself and ask what is it about you that makes them not appreciate you. so even when you first think of them not being appreciative, or not being thankful to what you did or not being a good citizen if you will, immediately after that you get back on yourself and you say what is it in me? what is it in what I did that did not make them appreciate what I did or what I normally do?
How likely is it that when you’re not appreciated, instead of focusing on the situation and assess what happened you focus more on yourself and what is wrong with you or what is wrong with what you did that caused that person not appreciate you? the main point here is the expectation. so let me ask you this, whatever you do, how often are you detached from the outcome? in other words, you do not have an expectation about whatever you do that is related to you?
if you are an athlete how often do you go to practice without any expectation that is not related to you in person? when you play a game and you want to win how often do you want to win for a reason other than yourself and feeling good about yourself? if you’re an executive how often do you do good job because you expecting somebody to tell you thank you or you’re an amazing leader or I wish we can clone you? if you’re running a business, how often do you do your daily tasks attached to the expectation that you should have certain results otherwise you would rate yourself as not working well or not performing the way you should perform?
if the answer is yes to all these questions then here’s the simple answer: if you try to do whatever it is that you do, do it without an expectation that is connected to you in person. what does it mean?
if you’re an athlete, you go to practice with the expectation to get better, to do things better, to help yourself become a better player on the field, not necessarily a better human being and more valuable. Now we talking about the assessment of the actual thing that you do.
if you were a leader or executive, how about when you make decisions or you pass policies or you do things for your company, do it for the sake of doing things for the company and for the employees and for the community and for clients; not because you want them to tell you “thank you” or how great you are. You want them to be done because they are the right things to be done.
if you are a business, how about when you do your daily tasks you do them for the sake of your clients and for the sake of your business and for the sake of assessing and improving your process not to validate how good you are. so I think by now you got whatever it is critical that is not connected to ourselves if you do so most of the time you will be disappointed and the times that you are not you will feel a quick and good Rush of amazing feeling that it goes down quickly because you need something bigger than that to make you feel better about yourself the reality is my friend you are who you are no matter what happens on the field no matter what happens in the company no matter what happens in your business your expectations if you would like to call them expectations other people may call them hoes or wish list call it whatever you would like to see happening as long as it is connected to a process as long as it is connected to a goal and it is assessed not judged and not connected to you as a person is a human being you will always have metrics and you will always have him to improve on and you will never ever feel again you are and appreciated because it has nothing to do with you you’re smart about you as a person is not about you as a human being it’s not personal it’s business as we normally say so either in the field or in the company or in your small business it’s about business it’s about the ACT it’s not about you now you may ask me hear well if I do good things then I feel good by myself and if I’m doing something wrong and you will always find a reason to blame yourself and you will always find a reason to be disappointed without meeting your expectations and this is where we get to the advanced part 2 based on facts not to judge based on emotions and we talked about assessment versus judgement in other episode of savor wavs perform the show and we talked and how to your person and how not to connect them to your value if you have any questions specifically about this still please let us know and we can point you to those episodes in details if you have more questions after those episodes I am happy to answer those questions any comments I am happy to answer them for you the main point that we talked about today is not have expectations that are related to your value why because you are valuable no matter what he expects stations are you are very valuable no matter what the results are results do not determine who you are results to determine how good or bad the process is and even when I say bad I’m just using the term that we used to but it’s not bad it’s just not working it is good why is it good because it tells me was not working so we can find out what works essentially there’s no bad there’s what works and what doesn’t work so we can become working I hope that this episode has been beneficial to you as much as I would love for it to be for you if you have any questions you can find me at savorwavs you can go to save email on YouTube on Twitter and on Facebook and until I talk to you next please remember to seize the moment perform your best and live consciously